I drink. That's no secret. I enjoy wine and other alcohols. But on the night of November 20th, I took that enjoyment too far. Without going into too much detail (because frankly the details are fuzzy at best AND still actually shake me up to think about), in a drunken stupor I took a tumble over the side of my staircase and came crashing down hitting my head pretty hard on the tile floor below.
Thankfully, I was with people who still had enough wits about them who after seeing that I was ok, dragged me in a belligerent heap to bed.
The following afternoon, feeling that something wasn't right (I was experiencing a bizarre sleepiness and fatigue), I decided to go to the ER to get checked out and to make sure I hadn't done more damage than we had previously suspected. When the CT scans came back, again thankfully the doctor said everything was normal and that I just needed to get some rest.
But not fully. A deep seated feeling that a piece of me died that night told me that the crisis hadn't been averted at all. If it had been, I wouldn't have binged drank and fallen down the stairs in the first place, would I? No. Something had been going on, building up for a while it seems, something that I was perhaps running away from or trying to drown in the bottles and bottles of liquid blackout I had imbibed the past 6 months or so. And my fall was the culmination of that, the signal that it was time I took stock and face whatever it is I had been running from.
Now, don't worry. I'm fine. I write this not as a cry for help or to gain sympathy from you, my dear readers. No. I write this to hopefully share with you a piece of insight relevant to the purpose and mission of this blog: "to share my experience with you in hopes that it might widen your perspective and perhaps increase your awareness of YOU."
The lesson or at least one of the lessons is that had I not been on this journey of self discovery and growth, I don't know that I'd be aware enough to actually face the reality that I needed a check up from the neck up. I've been through emotional downswings before and in the past I found myself stuck in these "funks" for substantial periods of time. Today, without the years I've spent in introspection, self examination, and personal development, I would probably still be drowning myself in alcohol trying to numb the negative emotions I'm experiencing. Instead, I happily and willingly face my demons with the knowledge and confidence that I have the strength and support to exorcize them. You see, it is from the willingness and courage to first admit to and second face your demons that true growth comes.
So, what demons are you facing?
***** Depression is a serious and real and debilitating disease. In no way am I advising anyone battling depression to try and work things out on your own. If you are experiencing depression, please seek help. You are not alone. There is hope.
And for those who suspect someone you know or love has depression, please take the time to reach out. A simple "how are you?" can go a long, long way.*****